Looking Forward to Change!!

Sometimes things just don’t go right or at least that is the way that it seems. We get so mad and angry at how people or situations don’t meet our expectations and yet we can’t even meet our expectations or our standards are too high and unreasonable. We are human not magicians. Magic does not exist only power and that power belongs to the one and only God above.

I am looking at my life, my children, my faults, my accomplishments, my rights, and my wrongs. One thing that I can get from them all is CHANGE. From day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute nothing or no one ever stays the same. They are always changing but I am still the same. Change has to start from within, not just appearance but our hearts and our minds must change as well. I was walking around thinking it was ok to be the same and blaming the world and others around me as an excuse as to why things in my life were going wrong. It wasn’t nothing or no one but myself. Stuck in my ways, believing I was right about most stuff and being prideful got me stuck in a rut that I am trying to dig myself out of.

See we can’t operate on our own feelings or emotions. That will get us in trouble, for real! We have to operate in the true spirit and love of God to get us through and the faith to know that he will do it! I am a single mother with five kids and a lot of times I feel alone and life seems to be so hard to swallow at times. Unless I start to change some things in myself and my life I will continue to struggle. The first thing I must change is giving the enemy power where he has none, only what God gives him or allows him to have. He works off of lies and deceitfulness. He has no power and we need to stop giving it to him. As a child of God I have more power than the enemy and don’t use it to the fullness that God has intended for me to use it. I also know that I need to stop speaking negative things into my life and in my children and stop claiming things that don’t exist. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. We can speak positive or we can speak negative but what we speak is what will flow out.

I am looking forward to the change that is going to happen in me, my children, and our lives. I love being a mother but I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over because it works. I have to step out of my comfort zone and be willing to make that change that is going to better our lives. I may have to start over. Start from the ground up again in order to accomplish what I have set out to accomplish in my life. I do know that I must change the way I act, the way I live, and the way I think. It all starts with me!!!!!!!!!

Mama's Baby, Daddy's Maybe!

There are days like this where I really sit back in a corner and shake my head! I can't and don't understand a lot of the times why my children have to act the way they do but I still love them. What makes me even madder is that fact that while they are at school and at home acting up the dad is not around. I have to deal with the rudeness, disrepect, phone calls from teachers, temper tantrums, and definace while he gets a free ride and do nothing. THEN he wants to call and tell me everything that I am not doing right or could do better, REALLY? Negro your not even here so what gives you the right to tell me anything and then on top of that not helping me physically, mentally, or emotionally. In all actuality he is hurting the situation more than he is helping it.

My apologies if I seem like I was rambling. I just don't like when the mother is always there doing what she need to do for her kids and the dad gets a free ride when he is not there or not paying his child support to help. It is not all gravy when raising a child or children by yourself. The ONLY thing that has gotten me through all of this is the foundation of Christ that I have in me and my children's lives. I would not be here today if it was not for God loving me and giving me mercy and grace.

Finally.....I hear women with one or two kids complaining on how hard it is and yes it just may be that but if I can make it with five children by myself then I know you can make it!!!!! Just make God first in your life because he will be the only one who can lead and guide you through it all!

Being Thankful!!

I am thankful for so many things! Words cannot express my gratitude towards God for the things in life he has blessed me with. I am thankful for having five wonderful children who love me dearly. I would do anything for them.

I use to sit around and think about the what ifs with my family and trying to find out what is wrong with me to where my family does not want to spend time with me. I have realized that there is nothing wrong with me or my kids, but something is seriously wrong with them and I am not missing out but they are!!!! Children are a blessing no matter how you look at it!

I am determined to spend the rest of my life not complaining, not crying, not worrying about other people or the wrongs in my life but to be THANKFUL for everything, every person, every opportunity, every word, every situation, every right, every wrong, every day!!!!!!! What does not kill me will make me stronger and I am a STRONG woman who is endeavoring every day to make it with CHRIST for my children and myself! If others don't like it then I feel sorry for them!!!

I hope and pray that everyone has a very blessed Thanksgiving being thankful and grateful for everthing and everyone in your life because you don't know when it will disappear!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!

Moving Forward!

Moving Forward seems to be my theme for today. Sometimes I sit back and think about the things I use to do when I was younger with less kids, lol! I was kind of wild and partied all the time. I must say that now my kids keep me grounded. They keep me in a place that I need to be and not where I don't want to be. Thinking back to my past I would always say, " Man if I would have only done that differently, maybe things would have turned out better." I started to have regrets about things that I could not change. While I was looking behind me I was missing what was in front of me and what was lying ahead towards my future.

I don't want my life to be full of regrets! Yes, we all make mistake, but we learn from them and move on. Nothing that I should regret doing because everything that I have done or gone through has made me a better person today because of it. I am so thankful for everything and everyone who has played a part in my life. What ever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger! So now I look before me to see where I am headed, to make decisions that will better my future and keep me from looking back and thinking I made a mistake that I can't change! Children are truly a blessing and keep a person grounded if they let them. I am thankful for my kids and glad that they are in my life. Though challenges may come, they help me to get the strength I need to get through them because when I look forward, I see them, I see my future!

So to all who is reading this post: Live life with no regrets, learn from your mistakes, and continue to look forward to the path of journies that life will take you and that God will help you through!

Failure is not an option!

It is so hard sometimes not being able to do the things you want to do because of your situation but know you can do better. I may be a lot of things but a FAILURE I AM NOT! Everyday God wakes me up to see a day that was not promised and I go with the determination to do better than I did the day before. Sometimes progress can take time but knowing that I am making progress helps along the way. My focus is my family and giving them what I didn't have when I was growing up. To make sure they have better than what I did. Sadly, sometimes that is hard. Are my expectations to high? Am I trying to reach a goal that is unreachable? Only God knows! He knows my heart, my mind, my situation, my intent, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. He knows everything. He even knows things about me that I don't know!

All I can do is do my best! Sometimes my best is not good enough but what else can I give? I can't give all of me or I won't have nothing left to give my kids and they need me and depend on me to take care of them until they can do it for themselves. I have to live one day at a time, knowing that some good will come out of what I do, not just for me but for my children as well. We all need someone at some point and time in our lives but don't live depending on others to do what you can or should have done already. People will help those who try and help themselves and not ones who are always looking for handout.

Above all else...put God first! He is the only one who knows what is best for you! Pray with out ceasing! Pray about everything, worry about nothing!

Finding a Job is hard to do!

Having five kids makes it real hard to find a job and a babysitter. Everytime I get an interview there is a great possibility that I will get hired. As I sit there and think about the situation I realize that there is no one to watch my two year old. Ugh! I don't understand why it is so hard for me to get closure with employment. It seems as though everytime I try to rise, something or someone knocks me down. I can't win from losing! Will that stop me? NO! Does that define me? NO! No matter how hard it may seem I am not going to stop trying. I am not going to give up because one day, just one day I will be able to succeed.

One way for me to succeed is to not allow the situation to control me but for me to control the situation. I can murmur and complain about it but it is not going to change the situation at hand. All I can do is learn from this and move on hoping that I won't make the same mistake again, if there even was one. So the conclusion is I must have stable daycare before I can go to work. That is my issue. Now how do I handle that when I don't have a job to pay for daycare? Well I will leave you with this........With God I can do anything and with God anything is possible! Have a blessed night.....more to come on this employment journey!

Introduction

I don't know why I didn't start a blog already but I guess it is never too late! Let me give you a little background on me.......

I am 35 years old and a single mother of five wonderful children. I have two boys and three girls. They are 14, 12, 6, 4, and 2 years old and YES! I take care of all of them, everyday, by myself with the help of God. I don't think I have ever been that type of female that depended on someone to take care of me or my family. I have always tried to do things on my own. Some say that is being prideful, to me that is just being realistic. After so many let downs by people who were suppose to be my friends or even family it just makes sense to just do it by myself. Now I am not saying that I won't ever need help from anyone, because we all know that this is not true. Everyone needs Somebody Sometimes! I will however try my best not to if I can help it.

When I was 14 years old my mother passed away and my life has not been the same ever since. I dropped out of high school only to go to Job Corps and get my GED and drivers license. While this is a big accomplishment I would have still rathered got my High School Diploma instead but I am going to be happy with what I have and move on. I never really had anyone growing up. My brother was locked up not too long after our mothers death for 10 years. I didn't find out I had a sister until I was 19 but even then we were not close in relationship so she was never around. I did keep in contact with her. My dad, well he is a different story altogether but lets just say he was not there either.

I walked around through my younger years looking for love that was not there. Everyone that I came into contact always found a way to disappoint me one way or the other. No one ever did what they said they would do. I hate that! Anyway none the less I got pregnant with my son first when I was 20 years old. I had gotten pregnant by a married man so thus the JOURNEY OF SINGLE MOTHERHOOD began! Still searching for that love I got pregnant again 3 years later with my first daughter in 1999 I was 23 years old.
I thought I was doing good with two children, no husband, and a job, and an apartment but then my life changed.

I moved around so much I can't remember everywhere that I have been. All I know is that I was still looking for that love that I was missing in my life. Needless to say 6 years later I get pregnant again back to back with another girl and boy. Ugh I was miserable because I knew I would struggle because being in my early 20's I still didn't get yet! I wish I had but I didn't. I go pregnant and had my last child in 2009. All this time, I still have no husband or a baby daddy that will hold up to their responsibility so guess who has to take care of these children, MEEEEEEEE!

I would like to end on a positive note. I am now a christian who is saved and lives for Christ. That was the love that I was missing in my life. Now that I have Christ in my life the troubles don't stop coming but I can deal with them so much easier because of the love of Christ that I have in my heart and in my life. This helps so much when raising childrne on your own! As much as I would love to continue talking  I will save some for another day because there is a screaming child that needs my attention. So until the next time....Be blessed!